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A Hello, Costco, and Toddler Life

I just wanted to pop in and let you all know that I’m still here! I’ve been sort of MIA this week because I’m actually working on a blog swap with an amazing blogger friend of mine. So stay tuned! It’s gonna be good!

In other news, Desirae is just entering into the stage of knowing what she wants, when she wants it, and finding new ways (tantrums included) to get it. Let me tell you, this girl is FULL of opinions. I like to say she gets that from her father, but the truth is, it’s allllllllllll me. For example, every morning she searches for the TV remote and brings it to me because she wants to watch Mickey Mouse Club House. If I don’t immediately comply, the world basically ends. I have a long few years ahead of me… Reasoning with a person who doesn’t actually speak is proving to be quite the challenge. Thankfully, she recently learned how to sign “please,” so at least that’s a step in the right direction.

Also, I went to Costco today. This is definitely not important information, but I’m feeling very happy about it, so I wanted the world to know. Since it’s Friday, there were samples everywhere, which always makes for a pleasant shopping trip. Well, as long as you can bust a move and beat everyone to the sample tables of course. You gotta be quick to avoid either waiting in line or losing your samples to that person who thinks it’s okay to devour the entire tray. Don’t give me those dirty looks. You all know what I mean… Not only that, I found some AWESOME new yoga pants while I was there. I officially want to wear these for the rest of my life. Plus, I can now comfortably fit my Costco food baby. Yoga pants and samples for the win!

Anyway, Friday is here! I have a very busy weekend ahead of me so I’m looking forward to having Aaron around to help take care of Desirae. Hopefully you have a relaxing weekend ahead of you, but I need to keep this short and go get my butt in gear! Before I leave, I know everyone can always use a good laugh. I saw this video today by The Break Womb, and it is HILARIOUS. For me, it’s timed perfectly with Desirae’s new-found independence in voicing her opinions. I’m pretty sure she would call this law firm if it actually existed.

Have a fabulous weekend mamas!

 

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Blogging Questions and a Ninja Toddler

Today is the last day of Aaron’s late nigh work schedule. It couldn’t be over soon enough. I feel like he was barely home this week, and he’s hardly seen Desirae at all. At least we will have some family time this weekend. Aaron and I even have a date night planned tomorrow, just the two of us! It’s a miracle.

But come Monday, I have jury duty. As Desirae’s primary caretaker, I’m nervous about leaving her for an extended period of time. I’ve never been away from her for more than a few hours. Plus, I don’t know how many days I’ll be able to find baby sitters. I either need to not be selected or to have a short trial. We’ll see what happens!

While I’m waiting around the court house, I hope to work on scheduling my blog, deciding on specific goals, and creating a better blogging process. What kind of goals do you have for your blog? What is your blogging process or system? How far out do you schedule your posts? How often do you post? I’d be interested in hearing any of your ideas, tips, or experiences! I should have lots of time to think about them next week! Also, I need something other than worrying about Desirae to occupy my mind while I’m waiting.

I’m not sure when I’ll be back on the blog or social media. Right now, jury duty is holding my life’s schedule in the balance. I’ll be glad when we can get things back to our normal rhythm. For now I’ll just cross my fingers, and hope for short trial!

It’s a shame that I can’t escape from jury duty as easily as this kid escapes from bedtime. I think I could learn something from him. This boy has some serious ninja skills. I feel for his poor mother.

Have a great weekend, and hopefully I’ll be back sooner than later!

 

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Who’s Really in Charge?

Well, it’s been a week – not a great week, not a bad week, just a week. Des and I both woke up sick on Monday morning, so we’e been laying around the house with our runny noses feeling more tired than usual. We’re also having some work done on our kitchen – not the “Oh, new cabinets!” kind of work, the “Oh, the plumbing upstairs is leaking on your counter tops?” kind of work.

Besides all that, I’ve made a discovery. Kids know when you need something from them. I’m not talking about what you tell them you want, but what you hope, with every fiber in your soul, they will do. After all, it’s what they do every day, right? You simpleminded mother. (Actually, that would be me.)

Des doesn’t nurse much anymore, but when she does, Des can be in and out in under five minutes. Hey, that’s cool. But on the days when I actually need her to hurry it up? No siree bob. A few minutes before I run out of the house, I pop Desirae on to nurse. She lays there for about five seconds, pops off, and sits up to stare at the picture she has seen every day of her short little life. I’m thinking, “Hey, she must not be hungry,” and lift Des off my lap. Looking up at me from the floor, her big blue eyes turn into puddles of tears. I give nursing another try. Des latches on for six seconds this time, and she pops off. Then she looks straight at me with her little hand on my chest as if to say, “Mom, I will eat at my leisure. Don’t move me off your lap because if you do, I’m going to make this afternoon a nightmare.” Then, she goes back to staring at that darn picture. Apparently this dairy drive-through opens and closes at her discretion. And here I thought it was up to me. I laugh at myself. And the next day, when I have all the time in the world, she sets a record by eating the same meal in two minutes flat.

There are also those mornings when I actually want my kid to wake up at the crack of dawn. Every day I wish the kid would sleep in, but not this day. Today I have to be somewhere early. So, in true child fashion, Des sleeps in that morning. I keep getting ready to go. I actually get my hair done and all my makeup on, but I glance at the clock wondering why in the world she hasn’t woken up yet. Finally, with only a few minutes to spare before I need to leave the house, I go into the Desirae’s room and wake her up. Next thing I know, I’m dealing with a squirming, screaming, baby who is very unhappy that I even considered waking her up that morning. God forbid that I decided to change her diaper. As I’m trying to pull a fresh onsie over her bright red face, I ask myself, “Why? Why couldn’t she have slept in tomorrow?” Because, you know, tomorrow is Saturday. (I’ll probably be seeing all you Instagram folks at 5AM tomorrow.)

Some days, when I’m feeling REALLY adventurous, I decide to go out to eat. (It’s okay, you can start laughing at me now.) I figure, “Hey, my kid usual sits and eats for at least an hour. This will be great.” HA HA HA HA HA HA! Pity my innocent, unassuming attitude. I arrive at the restaurant and sit down to order. Des doesn’t want to color or play with any of her toys. Does she want the sandwich I brought for her? Nope. She wants fries, only fries. For the next 20 minutes, I’m trying to entertain her and pop yogurt melts into her open, screaming mouth. The fries finally arrive. After about four bites into my meal, Desirae decides she is full. Those three fries she finally ate were enough. Why did I go out to eat again? I should have just brought a pile of cash, put it on the table, and set it on fire. It would have been the same thing, and probably a lot more entertaining.

As adults, we assume we’re in control, but that’s just what they want us to think. It’s all one big ploy organized by the International Children’s Scams Association. (Come on. You and I both know it’s a real thing.) The kids are the ones running the show. We think we’re one step ahead of the game, but we’re not. We’re just guessing, trying to follow along the best we can, just like Gwyneth Paltro and James Corden in this Toddlerography video. (Seriously, this video is an analogy of real life.) Lucky for all our kids, we forgive and forget everything the minute they fall asleep.

Have a great weekend friends. I hope you’re able to stay one step ahead of those kiddos. See you Monday!

 

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DJ Roomba in This House

I’ve been sort of MIA this week. My current blogging process isn’t quite working for me. I need to sit down and reevaluate so I can find something that works better for my family. It doesn’t help that this past week the power went out, the dishwasher broke down, and the plumbing has slowly melted a hole in the wall in my kitchen. For once, I’m thankful to still be in a rental.

In other much more exciting news, my life has been changed forever. Yesterday, I bought a Roomba. I was walking through the Costco aisles, my Roomba in my shopping cart, with visions of Tom and Donna flashing through my head.

Treat yo self? Why yes. Yes, I think I will.

(Long live Parks and Rec. We will never forget you.)

I had to text my husband, multiple times, to confirm that he 100% thought, without a doubt, that blowing money on this frivolous purchase was definitely and assuredly a good idea. I needed a lot of reassurance to actually hand that vacuum over to the cashier. Obviously, Aaron said yes, because I currently have my Roomba upstairs cleaning my bedroom.

Now, when we host our next party, I can resurrect the beloved, DJ Roomba.

I promise, I didn’t just up and buy a Roomba. Several months ago, I was griping about how dirty our floors are, no matter how often I clean them, which is almost every day. I spend most of my time set aside for cleaning, re-vacuuming the floors. See, we have a dog. Not just any dog, a large, fluffy, fury, shed-like-crazy, German Shepard dog. We also have a child, a one year old, crawling everywhere, putting anything she can find in her mouth, kind of child. So I vacuum. ALL. THE. TIME. I’m surprised my vacuum hasn’t overheated and blown up with how much I use it. Aaron decided, all on his own volition, that once he was promoted (which he was! Cheers!) I should buy a Roomba. That way I don’t have to spend all my time vacuuming, at least not every single day.

Of course, when I brought my Roomba home yesterday evening, I had to get that thing running. After Desirae was in bed, I turned the Roomba on, and Lincoln, our dog, spazzed out as he tripped over his feet and ran into the coffee table. Though you can’t really blame him because Roomba was headed straight for him. I only felt a little bad for laughing at him hysterically. By the end of the night, he was cool with it, and he let Roomba maneuver around his long, fluffy, tail. I did feel bad when Roomba scared Desirae this morning. Of course, she noticed the new toy right away and had to investigate. After pressing a couple buttons, she accidentally turned the Roomba on and it started moving. That really freaked her out. I’ll have to provide her with a better introduction to Roomba. Maybe she can join the club of Roomba riding babies.

Now, I just need someone to invent a Roomba mop. And a Roomba that climbs stairs. That would be fabulous. Then, between DJ Roomba and RoombaMop, Melissa McCarthy could come over to my house and perform this crazy mess. I would just sit there and laugh while Roomba sucked up all that glitter before my dog trailed it all over the house.

Happy Friday everyone.

Mom life · Uncategorized

People With No Kids Don’t Know – Michael McIntyre

It’s Friday! Time to close up the week and get ready for Easter weekend. My husband gets home earlier then usual on Fridays, so they are generally short days for me. I usually try to have everything finished around the house before he gets home so we can all enjoy the weekend together. But I’ve got a LOT to do today! Not only am I prepping for Easter, but I’m also getting ready for Desirae’s first birthday party! I can’t wait to celebrate her birthday with family and friends tomorrow.  It’s hard to believe that she is one already. Where has the time gone?

Before I go scrub down the bathroom, I want to leave this video with you. A good friend of mine, who is new to the moms club, showed me this yesterday, and it’s HILARIOUS. I knew I had to share it with all of you. While you laugh at this video, I am going to finish cleaning the house and go pick up a birthday cake!

Have a great weekend and a Happy Easter!

 

Mom life

Mom on The Street: Men Answer as Moms, Part 2 of 3 – The Breakwomb

Fridays are my unpredictable days. I don’t mind since it’s the beginning of the weekend, and most unplanned events are welcome ones. Today, I took an unexpected trip to IKEA with Aaron and Desirae. Call that fun, or call it being lost in a never-ending maze of Swedish words with no cell phone service. I call it fun. However, what I REALLY wish when I’m there is to rent the store for a weekend and have a giant slumber party with all my friends. Imagine, a group of girls running through IKEA in their pajamas, bathrobes sweeping behind them, as they scatter around the store cooking popcorn in their dream kitchens, lounging on their personal sofas, and sleeping in their Pinterest worthy bedrooms of choice. That sounds like the best birthday party ever.

I hope that you enjoyed your Friday as much as I did and have a great rest of the weekend! Here is a video from The Breakwomb that, I hope, starts your weekend off with a laugh.

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Kids Answer “What is the Best Country in the World?” – Jimmy Kimmel

Some days, for no explainable reason, my brain just doesn’t work. Today is one of though days. (Let’s just say I’m glad it’s Friday.) Try as I may, I can’t think of anything to write about, and all my drafts seem pretty miserable. That’s when I resort to my reliable friend, YouTube. The friend I can always count on to make me laugh, cry, and wonder how humans continue to survive as a species.

Today, YouTube showed me this gem. Enjoy, and have a great weekend!

 

Mom life · Uncategorized

Taylor Swift – “Blank Space” PARODY by Whats Up Moms

Taylor Swift is my jam.

In honor of her Grammy awards last night, I decided to share this mom life parody of Taylor Swift’s, “Blank Space.” It went viral about a year ago, so there’s a good chance you’ve already watched it. If you’ve seen it, watch it again, because it’s hilarious. If you haven’t seen it, then you’re welcome.

Enjoy.